INBOX INSPIRATIONS
November 23, 2022
A Happy Death - 1
Dear Friends,
When I was a child, I remember being taught to pray to Saint Joseph for a happy death. Joseph is seen as the patron saint of a happy death in our Catholic tradition. The reason is probably obvious. Joseph died with the warmth, closeness, and love of Mary and Jesus at his bedside. What a wonderful way to pass over from life on this earth to life with our heavenly Father! So, we pray to Saint Joseph for a similar happy death for ourselves and our loved ones – a death where we are at peace with God and with our family and friends and where we have had the opportunity to express our final words of love and to hear the same.
Unfortunately, we know that this does not always happen. Sometimes the complexity of human relationships, accidents, and the suddenness of death prevent what I have described above. Sometimes we die with anger in our hearts. Sometimes we die unforgiven and unresolved about something. Sometimes the very cause of death may speak of our lack of peace – like dying from an overdose of drugs or from recklessness or from suicide. So, death can come before we have had time to say or do what we really wanted to say or do. This can be so for both the one who dies and those in that person’s life. Death can come with unfinished business for all those involved.
I think we all know of examples of what I am saying. Maybe we ourselves have experienced this directly with a person in our lives who has died. Sometimes we carry around this unfinished business for years, for decades, for the rest of our lives. We feel incomplete because some hurt was not reconciled, bitterness was not addressed, a misunderstanding was never clarified. And now the death of that person has separated us, and the unfinished business remains unfinished. We think: If only I had made time to do this or if only I had said that.
We, in our Catholic tradition believe in the Communion of Saints. We say this in our Profession of Faith at Mass. Part of what this belief means is that “we can still tend to unfinished business in our relationships, even after death.” I will pick up on this next week.
Father Michael Schleupner
Quotation above and inspiration for some of the above from In Exile: Our Lord Jesus Christ, King of the Universe by Father Ronald Rolheiser.
A Happy Death - 2
Dear Friends,
Many of us have experienced regret at the death of a person in our lives, especially a loved one. Their death may have come with unfinished business for us. We feel incomplete because some hurt was not reconciled, bitterness was not addressed, a misunderstanding was never clarified. And now the death of that person has separated us, and the unfinished business remains unfinished. We think: If only I had made time to do this or if only I had said that. Sometimes we carry around this unfinished business for years, maybe for the rest of our lives.
As I said in last week’s Inbox, we, in our Catholic tradition, believe in the Communion of Saints. We believe that we have the opportunity to communicate with those who have died. This means that we can tend to unfinished business in our relationships, even after death.
How can we do this? I see two ways.
First, in the privacy of your home or bedroom or while taking a walk by yourself, talk to the person who has died. Ask for forgiveness for something that you have said. Grant forgiveness for something he or she has done. Tell her how much you loved her in words that you may never have said. Tell him how grateful you are for his being such a central part of your life. Express your regret for not being there in the way you wished you had been.
Second, write a letter to the person who has died and express in that the kind of things I said above. Work on this letter until it is complete and you are comfortable with it – assured that it says all you want and need to say. And then, if possible, go to the cemetery where the person’s remains are buried and privately read the letter to them there. If it is not possible to go to the cemetery, then maybe go to a church or chapel or to a place that really meant something to the deceased and read the letter to them there.
“This can be an immense consolation to us. What we can’t bring to wholeness in this life can, if we are attentive to the communion of saints, be completed afterwards. We still have communication, privileged communication, with our loved ones after death. Among the marvels of that lies the fact that we still have a chance after death to fix the things we were powerless to mend before death took a loved one away.”
Father Michael Schleupner
Quotation above and inspiration for some of the above from In Exile: Our Lord Jesus Christ, King of the Universe by Father Ronald Rolheiser.
No comments:
Post a Comment