INBOX INSPIRATIONS
July 3, 2024
Listening – 1
Dear Friends,
The theme today is Listening. Listening, really listening well to one another seems to be something we have to work on a bit. Good listening is often not modelled well on TV, especially when there is a panel of persons trying to address some topic. My personal experience tells me that we struggle to listen well to one another. I myself have to work at this. So, here are a few ideas that may be helpful.
1. Let’s give our attention to the person who is speaking or wants to speak. This means that we are not silently thinking only about what we want to say the moment the other person stops talking. Giving our attention to another also means that we don’t interrupt, especially when the person is sharing something personal or something that is upsetting them. I admit that there are times when someone may dominate a group or may go on and on without consideration of the ability of others to continue to listen or of their desire also to say something. In these instances, we may need to politely intervene and thank the person for sharing or suggest that we pick up on this at a later time. However, usually we just need to be intentional about giving our attention to the person who is speaking.
2. The second idea is to invite people to tell their story. What is going on in their life? What happened? How did they feel when this happened? How are they feeling about this now? Most of us would like to tell about our job, our family, a vacation, an upset, whatever. So, let’s allow and even invite others to do this. Let them be the authors of their story and let’s take it in. Most of the time, we will appreciate the other as a person all the more.
3. Let’s not be afraid to pause for a moment. When the other person seems to have finished, we don’t have to speak immediately. We can pause. Take five to ten seconds, and then respond. This helps us to be clear about how to respond in an appropriate way.
I will conclude these ideas next week with three more tips for good listening.
Fr. Michael Schleupner
Inspiration and source for the much of the above from How To Know A Person by David Brooks.
July 10, 2024
Listening – 2
Dear Friends,
As I said last week, listening to one another is important. My personal experience tells me that we struggle to do this well. I myself have to work at this. Last week, I proposed three rules to help us with listening:
1. Give your attention to the person who is speaking.
2. Invite people to tell their story.
3. Do not be afraid to pause for a moment when someone finishes speaking.
Today I am concluding this brief series with three more guidelines for listening well to one another.
4. Ask questions. Ask the other person if you heard correctly what they said, maybe by repeating what they said. This can be helpful both for the one listening and the one speaking. It can help listeners to feel assured that they heard what the speaker said, and it can help speakers to make sure that they said what they meant to convey. Also, ask the person speaking about this or that detail in the matter they are talking about and, in effect, invite them to say more. This is a way of inviting others to share more about themselves, their feelings, their ideas or their life story in general.
5. Try to get to some common ground when there is a disagreement. Try to identify a common point on which you and other person agree. Maybe you are really passionate about the same thing and only coming at it in a different way or with a different perspective. This is not always the case, but often enough it is. Use this common ground to maintain some bondedness and prevent unnecessary divisiveness.
6. Don’t try to top or even match the other person. Sometimes we can be tempted to identify with what the other has experienced by responding that we have experienced the same thing and even more so. The motivation here is probably good, but it takes the focus from the other person to yourself. Keep the focus on the speaker. Be with him or her and their experience.
I hope these tips on listening will be helpful.
Fr. Michael Schleupner
Inspiration and source for much of the above from How To Know A Person by David Brooks.
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